And if She is He??

When we filled out our paperwork for China, we said we would be open to a girl or a boy. One reason we struggled with choosing a country at first was because we knew if we went to China, we were pretty well saying we would get a girl. At first we felt that maybe we needed a boy to "even out" the numbers here. Of course through much prayer we decided that China was where our child was and if we were meant to get a boy, we would fall into the 5% of boys that are referred. Through this wait I have wondered, but feel pretty strongly that our baby is a girl. If we do get a boy, I admit I will be in shock. Although I will be fine w/ it. I just want a baby. We can debate what is better boy or girl and having both I can give an opinion on each. both is best, that is my theory and I am sticking to it! ;) Even Sawyer has come to terms with the fact that Sage is our baby out there, and that he will be forever "girltrapped". Anyways, through all these months we have struggled over a name. To go along w/ Makenna, Sawyer and Malaine it has been tough. Has to be an S name. (yes call me weird but don't you think He might feel left out if he did not have an S or M to go along w/ the rest of the family? ) And we could not go w/ a name like Sam. While I think it is a very cute name, it is also very popular and normal and I like different. I have come up w/ and mark has denied: Szander, Stryker, Shamus, Siegen, Sieger, Simeon, and my list went on. We were leaning towards Sullivan for awhile, but to much monster ink for the kids. And did you know that once you get your referral is not the time to think up a name? From what i understand, you only have a matter of days to turn in your paperwork WITH the babies name on it. Let me tell you, if I get a boy referral, the shock is going to be enough that we DO NOT want me to be trying to find a name at that point. Who knows what I might name the kid. So IF we get a boy, his name will be Stryder. I like it. I don't care if no one else does. I feel MUCH peace over it and that is that.
Mark, Shannon, Makenna, Sawyer, Malaine & Stryder OR
Mark, Shannon, Makenna, Sawyer, Malaine & Sage

So what is your guess, which will it be?

My Husband the Hero!

Mark fixed the website! He remembered that he had backed up all files and so was able to go and retrieve them. PRAISE THE LORD!! I feel much better. Believe me, we are making hard copies from now on! So now if you go to our website at www.laxtonkids.com You can access the blog right there. Still working on some of the pictures and such, but it will be easier in china to have it all together. Now if Mark could just figure out a way to get us our referral....

Pity Party

It has not been a fun week around here. I started off with strep throat. No one else in my house had it, and I don't think I have had it since I was a child. But it wiped me out. Very miserable, still not fully over it. Then referral rumors came out, and did not go nearly as far into the month as I had hoped and prayed for. At the rate they are coming, I am sure it could be June before we get a referral. I am just losing patience. Then to top it all off.. Mark was trying to connect our blog into our website so you could read them together. Well, somehow while doing it, my website journal was lost. All 10 months of it that I have written. We had already lost it once before, and you would think I would learn my lesson after that and hardcopy. But i did not. Only this time instead of a few months, it was closer to a year of entries. I am sick. I had planned that everything I write on these blogs would be my journals for Sage. I kept written journals during my other 3 pregnancies for the other kids. Now everything I had worked on for her is gone. Mark feels horrible of course. Personally i am cursing the website company for the way they have their things set up. I will post their name to you as soon as I make sure they can't do a miracle and find my journal. If they can't help, (which mark says there is no way it is gone forever) I will be telling you who NOT to go through if you want a personal website. To top it all off i have horrible PMS. I need a vacation. Better yet, I need my baby. Sigh...

The Good and Bad of Waiting...

Top 10 Reasons Why I am losing my mind through this wait for Sage....

1. Because when we started this process last February, and had our paperwork done by May, we figured we would have our baby in January. This was NOT OUR plan.
   
2. I am not a patient person. I don't wait, I do. Most of the time, I don't like to procrastinate. I plan, I get done. Sigh...
3. It is the neverending pregnancy. I could have been pregnant twice by now.
   
4. You just never know. Will they send out a full month of referrals, will they cut off?
5. I missed her first Thanksgiving, her first Christmas, her first New Years, her first Valentines Day, her first Easter. I really want her first Birthday!
   
6. Because I am a mother and she is MY daughter. This is not natural. I should be the one holding her and taking care of her at this stage of her life.
   
7. Because we have no idea if she is being cared for properly. Is she getting her diaper changed? Is she crying and no one answers? Is she happy?
   
8. I also missed her first smile. Is she sitting up, is she young, or older? Does she have alot of hair?
   
9. My arms ache to hold her.
   
10. I love her so much already it takes my breath away.
    

Top 10 Reasons Why I am ok with waiting till summer to travel...(I have to try to keep myself sane by convincing myself it is ok)

1. There will be no school schedule to come home to. We can relax, sleep in, and be lazy for a few months while we adjust.
   
2. We can pack lighter. No coats to haul around, no bulky sweaters.
   
3. I can wear flip flops if I want.
   
4. It gives me more time to lose those 10 pounds i want to get rid of.
   
5. i can't stand being frozen, and climbing the great wall in snow would not have been fun.
6. Capris are my favorite type of clothing.
   
7. Summer schedules will mean more help w/ babysitting for our kids while they stay behind.
   
8. Hopefully Mark will be out of our closet and moved into the office in the basement, which will be very helpful in setting up our room as half nursery.
   
9. Because God had a plan, long before I did, and He has grown me in alot of ways through this LONG wait.
   
10. because I trust that God is holding her, until I get there.
    

Bad Parenting 101

I should be embarrased to even admit this one. Today Malaine and I attended a new playgroup along with some of her cousins. She had a great time and I am happy to have found it. They do a bible story, songs, parachute time, snacks, along with playtime. Afterwards, cousins Amy and Jaylyn joined us at home for lunch. When i walked in I said, "I can' forget to go pick up Sawyer from preschool in 45 minutes." Well, guess what? I forgot. And not just by a few minutes, but by a FULL HOUR!! Thankfully his school also has a daycare, so they just took him in there. And Sawyer did not seem fazed by it. But I felt horrible. Bad, bad mom. I guess it could have been worse. Maybe.

Leave it to a Teacher!

We received this prayer and quilt square from our almost in a round about way cousin who was Makenna's Kindergarten teacher and will be Sawyer's teacher next year. I just thought it was SO adorable wanted to share it w/ you. Some people took my hint a few weeks ago!! I have to say also that Amber did not know we were collecting squares. So I gave her the letter on Friday at our Chinese New Year Party and by Sunday at our superbowl party, she had it here! Isn't that amazing! And yes, we are STILL collecting! Let me just say this, we will be collecting until YOU get your quilt square to me!

Chinese New Year at our House

The kids Made Hats
Our "chinese" Princess
The Grandmas feeding the girls treats from their red envelopes.
Beautiful Dalayna
Malaine celebrating the "Year of the Dog"

We had a wonderful time at our Party this weekend. Well besides the fact that one kid got sick and my son ran into the edge of a chair and had a HUGE lump on his head, but besides that! We had a full chinese buffet of food. Of course we don't believe in all the superstitions that go along with the Chinese New Year. My aunt, Dalayna's Grandma made each of us a red envelope that included Chinese Trivia, prayer requests, and candy! The prayer requests included prayers for Sage, which of course made me teary, along w/ prayers for her birth parents. And for Dalaynas birth parents. Each of us in our family has a burden for China, and we pray that God would bring salvation to the people there. The kids made lanterns, along w/ some of the adults, hats and had fun popping confetti. We can't wait till next year when Sage will be here to celebrate.

Makennas Prayer Request

Sunday at Church, Makenna was asked to draw a picture of something she is praying for. Isn't this sweet?

100 Good Wishes Quilt

As most of you know, we are TRYING to put together a quilt for the baby. If you go to our website, you can read the full details. www.laxtonkids.com. Click on quilt. We have 50 squares, but still need 50 more to complete it. I have attached some of the pages of blessings and prayers that we have been sent. We love looking through this album and reading the sentiments from our family and friends. The plan is to have the quilt made, but that may wait even till after the baby is home. We REALLY want to get the squares though! It is not that hard! We have more squares from my online adoption friends, than i have from my family! Yes that is a subtle hint. So let me know if you have any questions, please email me. laxton@htc.net 50 more!!

Smile

Because I like to torture myself as much as possible, every song I listen to turns into an adoption song. I heard this one way back and just thought it was perfect. It is by Chris Rice and it is called Smile. He wrote it talking about the day he meets Jesus. Of course I long for that day also. But for now, I have changed the words just a bit for Sage.

How far are you? How close am I?
I know the words are true but I don't feel them inside.
Still I believe, you'll never leave
So where are you now?

Your all i want, you are all I know
Your breath is breathing in my soul
Still I am grasping, aching asking
Where are you now?

I just want to be with you
Just want this waiting to be over
I just want to be with you
and it helps to know that day is getting closer

Every minute takes an hour
Every inch feels like a mile
Till I won't have to imagine
And I finally get to see you Smile

My jouney's here, but my heart is there
So i dream and wait and keep the faith while your prepared
For our destiny, till you come home to me
Oh please make it soon

I just want to be with you
I just want this waiting to be over
I just want to be with you
And it helps to know the day is getting closer

Every minute takes an hour
Every inch feels like a mile
Till I wont' have to imagine
And I finally get to see you smile

Referral Dreams

I dreamed of Sage last night. This is rare, I don't normally, though I always want to! In my dream, we got the call for our referral, which was a shock, because it was way earlier than expected. So is that a sign? We did get a girl, and her birthday was October 30th. The weird thing about that was, I have been praying that God would reveal her birthday to me. Call me crazy, but I just want to know! So last week I REALLY prayed about that, and then I have this dream and this is the date. Which I kept saying all along, just watch, she is going to have an October birthday because that is when Makenna and Malaine have birthdays. So maybe it was becuase I have been thinking that, or maybe.... Also, in my dream she was from Chongquing, which is where my cousins daughter is from, and also a new "adoption" friend of mine just returned from there w/ her baby. And they both keep telling me they are hoping that Sage is from there, of course. I am not going to forget this, and if it comes true? Wow! It was so real and such a neat dream. Sage was beautiful of course! Then I woke up, but i woke up smiling! I just can't wait to see what God has in store for us.

Who Adopts?

We found out that referrals are on their way to the US from China. They go from April 25th to May 13th. I was excited today, because from May 13th , that is just around 5 weeks away from our LID of June 20th! So while it does not really mean anything such as we are next, it means we are getting closer!! This will happen! Mark says he is holding out for March. I still guess May, but maybe we will both be wrong and get April!! That would be a great birthday present won't it?
Lately I have been thinking about the reasons people adopt. Everyone of course has a reason. If you have been to our website www.laxtonkids.com you have probably read our story and why we chose to adopt. Obviously for us it was not about infertility. My heart aches for those who have gone down that road. We have been through loss, but we ended up with 3 children after and never had any difficulty w/ pregnancy those times. I don't have statistics, but if I had to guess, I would say that most people probably adopt because or due to infertility of some sort. From personal experience of people I know, that is the case. And so I just have to wonder, if there was no such thing as infertility, and everyone who wanted to could get pregnant, how many orphans would there be? In our Bible Study this week a verse from John made me think of this.. Jesus heals a blind man and Jesus is asked, who sinned more, this man or his parents, (as to why he was born blind). Jesus replyed, Neither this man nor his parents sinned, but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life. John 9:3. It just made me think, does God want adoption? YES. Is it for His Glory? Oh yeah, i think so. Does he allow infertility? Hmmm? I don't know, but I do know that He uses it for his Glory in some way. Prayerfully it is through adoption. I believe the Bible commands us to adopt. If we can birth children, that is great. If we choose to adopt, that is great. If we choose or are able to do both, that is great! Not to say that I think I am doing something great. I am THANKFUL that God allowed me to go down this path. I thank Him every day for allowing me to know birth and adoption. But am I doing something great? There are what, some mllion orphans in the world and I am adopting one. That is not so great. People say they don't have the money? Really? Do you have a place to live? Hmm, that is more than an orphan. Do you have a tv? A car? Dinner out? Ok, off of my soapbox. If I can't adopt them all, I will be trying to convince everyone else to! So whatever the reason that God has called each of us to adoption, it is for His Glory. And what a blessing we get!

Shannon's Sage, More Pictures

Here are a few more shots of our Sage doll. in the top you can see her full body. The choice is to have a normal, "stuffed/cloth" body or to add this plate for a belly. The bottom is a shot of her hair, it looks and feels real! It is getting a little frizzy from being touched, but Julie told me just to wash it and blow it dry and it will straighten back out. the last picture is a shot of her tush. Isn't that just adorable! That is also added on top of the cloth body. Julie also wanted to make sure anyone looking at her knew that you could add on eyelashes and eyebrows. i chose to leave them off. But that is a personal preference. I am not sure of her weight, but i am guessing around 4-5 pounds, so she feels like a real baby! E-mail me at laxton@htc.net and i will pass on Julie's e-mail to you so you can have one of your own!

Let us Pray

This is what Malaine has done today. She wants to sit and hold "Sage". Isn't that sweet? To fun!
Today we found out that our documents have passed through the review room in China! This is VERY exciting because it means now we are going to the matching room! It is a relief to know that there were no questions in the review room, we are ok and approved. Now to think that soon, our name is going to be on our daughters paperwork. Wow!! In my heart, I do believe that my name has been on our child since before she was born. I know without a doubt, that God knew she was mine since forever. We are just waiting for it to all become official with the "officials". Today in the car we were listening to "choir songs" of course, and a song came on about prayer. "let us pray let us pray, every where in every way, Every moment of the Day it is the right time, For the Father above is looking down with love, And he wants to asnwer us, so let us pray" And Sawyer, our tenderheart, said, "We should be praying all the time that God would bring Sage home tomorrow, and then she will be here because He wants to answer us when we ask." This sweet boy of mine is 5, might I add. The things he says, just make my heart smile. How true is it? Sure we pray for Sage, every single day. But do we pray with out ceasing and ask for her to be home tomorrow? hmmmm. So we ask all our friends to join us in praying, for Sage to be home. Soon. Tomorrow would be nice, but we can settle for before summer! Our hope is a March referral. Thanks for going to the Father w/ us! "Let us pray without end and when we finish start again, Like breathing out and breathing in, let us pray"!

Shannon's Sage Doll

My friend Julie "delivered" this amazing baby to our house tonight. We are just in love! Well, me and the kids. Mark says, "I just don't get it"! Julie "makes" these dolls through a process called reborn. She looks so lifelike to me, I just can't believe it. The girls are going crazy changing her outfit, rocking her etc.. She is weighted so she feels like a newborn baby. I figured, if I can't hold the real Sage, we will have to make do until she is here. Hope you enjoy the pictures. I swear Makenna and I took a million pictures of her already, I will post more another day. Want one for your own? E-mail me and I will pass on the information.

LadyBug, LadyBug...

Isn't this cute? This was one of my finds at Kohls this week. It is a jewlery box, but has a handle so i suppose it is also a purse. Could not pass it up, especially since it was on clearance w/ 50% off plus another 10% for using your Kohls card. I might have paid $4.00. I love ladybugs!

Cooking my way to Referral!

My sister in law was telling me she got a stand mixer for Christmas and just loved it. So i had mixer envy, and a wad of cash from Christmas burning a hole in my pocket. I began interviewing all my friends, and it seems i was the only one w/ out one of these mixers! So kohls had a sale this week, and since i can't buy cute little tiny baby clothes for Sage, I decided to go for it. Isn't it lovely? This is the kitchen aide artisian blah blah blah. Sawyer and I baked cookies today and I have to admit, it was pretty impresive. Goes great in my kitchen w/ the stainless steel appliances, and you all know black is my favorite color. (makenna just finds that weird!) The only problem? Baking cookies and everything else that I am wanting to try out to make, does not equal low fat, healthy food. Oh well, it takes my mind off of waiting. Mark says, I can't believe you would spend that on a mixer! As if he has any room to talk. Have you seen what his i mean our christmas present to each other was? Hint: Hangs on the wall, and we watch it..... Men, I think i will go look for more recipes! :)

CatDog?

This is our "Bug", who thinks she is a cat. We often find her on top of tables. What is a bug? her mother was a pug, and her father a boston terrier. She got the face of the pug, but those ears!! she can run like a boston, but be as lazy and snuggly as a pug. She does not shed, much. When she is good, she is very very good, but when she is bad.... She came to our home last year on the first day of January. I gave in (makenna and mark were begging for a dog) because i wanted her grown and trained before baby. I should remind you that mark was still not going for a baby at that point! I was sure that God was going to change that, and He did! My plan might have backfired though, she is still not trained, and there is still no baby. Maybe both will come together at the same time.

Dancing Princess

Tonight Malaine and I were having our daily talk about how if she were a big girl she could do this and do that, and I mentioned that she could be in gymnastics w/ Makenna. So a few minutes later she came out in this, w/ "panties" on, might i add, ready to go to gymnastics. That lasted about 5 minutes and she was asking to put her diaper on again. I swear when she is potty-trained, we are having a party!
Sawyer has been up and down. Part of the day he will act fine, then all of a sudden he is crying, hurting just miserable. Today a scab came out of his throat. Thankfully i was out of the room for that one. I suppose that is normal?

Mark's Office

As most of you know, Mark works from home full time as of August. His office at the time is located in our bedroom closet. It is the most quiet spot in the home. His dad is building an office for him downstairs in our basement, and he is just flying along. He just started this right before the holidays. Isn't this exciting? Maybe not to you, but you obviously must not have someone sitting in your closet all day long!! Stay tuned for the finished project!