Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Hanging on by a THIN Red Thread!

I am pretty sure I am losing it around here. My mind and heart have already left the building and are waiting for me in China. At least I hope so, if I do not get them back soon it is not going to be a good thing.

Last adoption trip was so easy. They told me what time to be there on what day and how to look when I got there. Honestly, every second was planned out for us and I was good with that. Hold my hand and spoil me and you are my best friend forever.

This time, things are different. It is good and bad. We are able to have more say in hotels and such. Which means you can save money, BUT it adds a whole new level of stress. We are traveling during the trade fair. We are happy if our hotel stays under $2000 for 6 nights. Can you believe that ? I am thinking on my entire trip last time I spent $2000 on hotels. And for whatever reason I tend to overthink, over analyze over worry about it at this point.

My mind is spinning and if you watch, you might actually see it turn all the way around my head!One day I started the microwave with nothing in it. I tried to iron my clothes with out plugging in the iron. I went to make dinner, and was so proud of myself because I had gone to the store to get the ingredients for a new recipe. But somehow walked out with out one of the things I needed. There was only 5 ingredients in it. I sit and stare at my freezer trying to figure out what to cook for dinner. And yes, I have a freezer full of meals, but that still involves thawing something out ahead of time. Which involves making a decision. I am not capable of that right now. Oh yes, I am also trying to TEACH the children. hahahaha!

So while spending some time with the Lord I was reminded the reason for my insanity. Our daughter is waiting. We are going to china very soon and we will hold her in our arms. This is what I have prayed for over the last year, this little girl to be mine. My Mavery. That thought kind of puts it all in perspective. I am letting the stress rob me of the JOY this time should bring.

On Saturday I decided I was over the hotel stress. Who cares where we stay or what we spend. We will be sleeping next to Mavery while paying all that money, and I will be smiling no matter where I am.

Sunday, we lost power, for 2 days. Mark went out of town for the week, taking my cell phone with him. My freezer leaked goopy sticky Popsicle's, frozen fruit and ice cream all over. I dumped it all in my garbage disposal. Which does not turn on when there is no power.(that would go back to the I can't think right now) About this time the Schwans guy was at my door trying to sell me, what else? Freezer foods. Which does not go well in a freezer that is not frozen. What can you do but laugh?

THREE WEEKS from today, we will be on a plane to China. I do not want to look back on these weeks and remember being so stressed out. I for sure don't want my children to countdown the days till I leave so that they can be rid of me for awhile! So today I choose Joy. I have asked the Lord to help me, to just keep whispering Maverys name in my ear. And though my heart is there, allow me to savor these last 3 weeks as a family of 6.
And on that note I must now chase around a naked 2 year old who has unpacked my entire suitcase and pulled the contents all over the house. God sure has a sense of humor does He not?


Amber said...

Let me know if I can help you out in any way. It would be a pleasure...and a joy!

Stephanie said...

Girl, hang in there. That feeling reminds me so much of where I was 2 years ago.
I am so thrilled for you.
Here is my e-mail
Love you girl, Steph

Luke said...

Hang in there. That's what I keep telling myself too as we wait.

And wait.

Peace to you.


Amy said...

Yes, keep your eyes on the prize! :)

Dana said...

My setiments exactly!!
I'm so worried about the trip, the kids, the packing, that I'm missing the happiness that I should be feeling right now!! My husband has been out of state since July 7th, and he will be back some time before the plane takes off I HOPE!!
I would like to be able to do his laundry before I shove it back in the suitcase!!
Two weeks from today!! Can't wait!

GGAdventures said...

Can't wait to follow your journey to Mavery! I've been a lurker for a while. Our 2nd adoption was all up to us also, planning our trip to China during Christmas. It's a wonder anything got done. Our 1st adoption was also during the trade fair. I feel your pain!! It's so rough but also so worth it in the end, as you know. FWIW, we stayed at the Dong Fang during Trade Fair, which is where the trade fair was! Only place available, at a nice price. :) Hang in there. Let the countdown begin!!!!