Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God?
Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men,
I would not be a servant of Christ.
Something has been on my heart lately, that I have been thinking about, praying through.
I think it is obvious from my blog or my Facebook, I am not a private person.
Sadly for some. ;-)
Part of that is I feel it is part of my testimony.
I might not be great at going door to door trying to win others over for Christ with the 5 step plan to salvation.
In fact, I stink at that.
But I AM great at telling the world all of the amazing things the Lord is doing in my life.
I am not ashamed of that.
I know there is a debate within the adoption world. Some get angry when asked questions about their children.
I have never been that way. I have always looked at our adoptions as an amazing story of Gods grace. A story I want to shout to the world.
Some people are just more comfortable with being private, and that is ok. I believe if God lays it on your heart to be that way, then you are following His lead.
But He has NOT given me that permission.
My kids can talk to their therapist about me when they are old.
I am always willing to spill every teeny tiny detail of the things I am doing.
Trips to China.
I never thought much of it. I shared because I want to sing what the Lord is doing. He is amazing and I am amazed to be able to live this life He has written for me.
But then I get the comments..
You are amazing!
So proud of you!
How do you do it?
I don't have time to do anything, how do you get it all done?
Let me start by sharing a little secret of how I do what I do..
Mark and my mother in law will die at the site of this photo I am sure! ;-)
The #1 thing that suffers around here is my house. This picture is beyond normal, but it just gives you a small idea. On most days if you drop by, you are going to see piles. Floors not swept, dished piled up. Laundry needing to be put away. Some of us still in our PJ's, not showered, dinner probably not made.
But we are ok with that. Sure I WANT a clean, organized house. I DREAM of that. And it gets there for parties. (which is the result of the closet, the dumping ground) But it IS last on my list of priorities. I figure someday the kids will be gone, (maybe, I actually don't care if we have a house full forever) OR I will learn organization maybe be able to afford a maid, or someone will pity me and come fix me.
Another reason why I can do more? My husband is AMAZING. I wish he could teach a class on husbandry. Because I don't know many, if any, that can compare. Most husbands I know believe that the wife's job is the home and kids. And if the wife is good with that, so be it. Unfortunately my husband married a woman who is not. Yes God called me to be a wife and mother. BUT He has called me to many other things too. Mark supports that. He ENCOURAGES that. He believes in my wild and crazy ideas and pushes me to follow my dreams. He is GOOD with being a hands on dad and never, ever resents it if I am out of the house multiple evenings a week serving, doing, helping. We are a team and that is why I can be who I am. We homeschool together, we parent together and we serve together. It might look like it is ME, because I am louder. But He is the one behind the scenes making it all happen. While working a very demanding job. Yep, he works from home, which is a huge blessing. But it does not mean the job is easy. Yet I never get guilt from him if I have 17 meetings at church in one month, or throw another wild idea in his ear, or plan one more party. Or spring on him we have new kids coming to stay for awhile. (which I did, baby girls brother coming next week!!)
Also, we are not big into our kids being involved in "stuff". They do church activities, but beyond that, we have really had to say no. Yep, the girls miss gymnastics. Sawyer sometimes asks about karate. We toss around music lessons and the benefits. And then we look around at our friends with kids in sports and it makes us so tired we know there is no way, with 5 children and now more at times, that we can do that. Besides that we can't afford it, we just simply do not have the time. And in reality? We are not willing to make the time. One of my new motto's has been, if it is not going to build them up in the kingdom, they are not doing it. This theory I suppose will be tested as we enter into High school next year, so we will see. Even with church activities we feel busy. Am I saying sports are wrong? Of course not. (though I do have some thoughts...) I am saying for my family, with 5 children, at this point in our lives, it is how we are able to do what we do. We limit what we do. We refuse to live life on the run and not be able to hear what God might be calling us to do next.
Not to mention the Lord has given me the "gift" of ADD I believe. My brain NEVER stops and I cant' concentrate on one thing for long. So, I seriously THINK in my sleep. I wake up with ideas pouring out, that I will jot down. You should see the look on my friends faces when I say, "Ok, I have an idea!". The smart ones RUN! It is a blessing and a curse.
So, that is HOW. But the part that I want to be sure is understood.
I do NOT do what I do to get a pat on the back. To get a good job. To hear the praise of man.
Sure, every once in awhile, I enjoy that, maybe I even WANT that. I am human and as a mom we know that much of what we do goes unnoticed. We all just want our children to simply ACKNOWLEGE what we DO for them. We want our husbands to appreciate if we do cook or straighten up the closet. (true story, I spent the ENTIRE evening Friday working on that closet. I showed Mark the before picture and he said "wow, is that really what it looked like?" Obviously a messy house does not phase him!)
But if I realize I am enjoying it to much, if I always WANT it. I realize I need to stop.
Because I serve an audience of One.
My motivation is because I love God.
I want His love to pour out of me through my actions.
I want others to ask WHY, so I can tell.
I never ever want it to be that I do all of the things I do, to boast.
I never, EVER want anyone to think it is about ME.
I am not amazing. Just ask my kids. They will be sure to tell you that I yell too loud, I nag to much, I am the "strictest mom of all their friends".
But I am willing, open, listening and always asking God to use me in ANY way He can.
AMAZING is God.
3 Do nothing out of selfish
ambition or vain conceit.
Rather, in humility value others