Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Go into ALL of the World

This is not a guilt post.

Well, it really is not meant to be.

It is simply me trying to work through some thoughts on my China trip.

You see for months I thought I had a team of FOURTEEN with a handful of others thinking on it.

I did not mean to, but maybe I was patting myself on the back.

Not being thankful enough for a team BIGGER than last year, signed up earlier than last year at this time.

I BRAGGED about how GREAT it was going to be having SO many of us. How much we could do! How many kids we could hold, what a testimony a larger team would be for the staff at Chenzhou.

I actually EXPECTED that we would DOUBLE the team size even from those 14.

No one ever accused me of having an issue with confidence.

Because I have this dream. Of not only having SO many arms to hold babies IN the orphanage.

But to get outside the orphanage into the city.

To make connections on many different levels.

To become known in that area as the ones who love.

And give.

And most important? Return.  

So maybe in the midst of all those dreams I left out someone very important.

Slowly my 14 started to dwindle.

I was not that worried when one dropped. Or even another.

But then it was SEVEN who could not go.

And I get it. I am not mad at any of them. Life happens.

To be honest, I felt peace about my group of 7.

For a few days I decided that with only 7 it would be easier on ME.

It sure would be easier trying to get around in China.

Y’all remember the lost purse, luggage, saga of last year.

7 of us, EASY!

But then our sending team encouraged me that 10 is really the ideal LOW end of a team.

Under 10 our trip costs each of us a whole lot more than we originally planned.

Which is not good for ME, because all along I was budgeting based on a full team.

Considering there are 2 of us in this house going.

Much less the others on my team who are working to save.

Funny how this news comes the day after I post about money.

God enjoys that I know.

But in reality, I am not worried about the money. THAT I do have faith about.

Even with my husband having panic attacks about it now.

We can skip vacation if need be. We don’t want to, but we can. Again.

Because for me?

NOT going back is not an option.

There is not a day that goes by that I don’t wonder what is going on there.

That the kids don’t flash through my head.

That I don’t picture a nanny and say a quick prayer for her.

I believe God has planted that orphanage inside of my heart for a reason.

For ME to say no, to let life get in my way?

It is just not a choice I have.

Well of course I guess it IS. We all have choices.

But there have been times in my life I KNEW, times I KNOW,the Lord is saying THIS is my plan for you. 

When I agreed to lead this trip to Chenzhou last year, I did not take it on as a “this is my one time mission trip so I can check it off my list that I did it trip”.

Well Ok, maybe a little of it was that I had promised Makenna we would go on a mission trip.

But last year was a season of searching. I was restless.Trying to listen and learn.

Then I went and I KNEW that I would return. How could I not?

Yes, going once is a good thing. An AMAZING thing.

But going back? THAT is what makes an impact.

THAT, I believe, is what will change things for those kids.

THAT is what the nannies will remember.

Because I watched closely when we arrived and the staff saw the 2 girls on my team who had been there the previous year.

(Visiting Orphans had sent the first team to Chenzhou in2010. The leader was not able to take the trip on again. I was the leader of the 2nd team to ever work there)

They recognized them. And they smiled when they saw them.

And then I saw the children see them.  THEY recognized them.

I was convinced right then and there NOTHING is going to say Jesus loves you like that.

To come back again, and again.

Now I am NOT pointing fingers or demanding everyone return.

I am saying that God gave ME a glimpse of those moments to confirm MY role.

WHATEVER it takes, I am to go back.

So, where does that leave me in trying to fill up the restof the spots?

Well that is the question. I attend a church of over 500 members.

Over 30 of those are going on a foreign mission trip this year.

TWO of us are going to China.

Yep that would be myself and Makenna.

A big group is going to Uganda. An OVERFLOWING trip. 

2 teams are going to Peru. We have a family from our church living there.

Others are going to Haiti, Bulgaria, and Chicago.

I am THANKFUL that those teams are FULL.

But yet a little sad.

THIS trip? We are IT as far as teams going in.

We are it as far as believers ANYWHERE in that city.

So, once a year is all this orphanage knows of Christians.

I guess it is hard for me to grasp WHY it is so hard to get others to go.

Knowing that we are the only ones.  That this reason alone does not bother everyone like it does me.

Right, right, I get it. THE MONEY. The TIME off. The fact that rocking babies seems so POINTLESS to men. The fact that it is CHINA and it is FAR. The fact that we have to leave our kids, or our husbands or WHATEVER. I have heard it all.

And I have to do the SAME things.

Oh right, this is not a guilt post.

Of course.

 I guess what I am looking for is some prayer. Some peace. Some help in passing the word about the trip.

Because I KNOW that the Lord will take care of EVERY last detail. 

 And it is not about the guilt honestly. I don't want anyone going out of guilt.

What I want is people stepping up who have a passion to serve those who have not heard of the One who created them.  

For more trip details please visit my Chenzhou blog here..

Mark 16:15
  “And he said unto them, Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature.”

1 comment:

Jodi said...

I am soooo sad with you!!! Could you post the specifics again on the trip? I did a post the other day on "seasons " - do we say "it's not the season of life I'm in" as an excuse not to pray and truly ask God if we should GO!!!! Praying with you!