Sunday, October 29, 2006

Are We Done Yet?

Sunday Cuteness! And yes, the hat was a battle all day!
Cute outfit from our friend Sarah, isn't that adorable! I love that!
4 Smiling at One Time?! It must be a miracle!

So, are we done? It's the million dollar question, isn't it? The one the Grandma's are afraid to ask, scared of what the answer might be! ;) Is 4 children enough to call our family complete? Are we finally to the point we are so nuts that we would not dream of adding anymore? When we first started the adoption, before we even had a LID, a friend told me, "not many people go to China just one time". And I just kind of laughed, I was so thankful to even be going once, I knew that would be it. Through the horrible wait, I said over and over, I could NEVER do this again. Emotionally could not handle it. In china I thought, Thank you for this child, and maybe someday we will be back for a heritage tour to visit. We came home, we both said "WE ARE SO DONE!" But then the jet lag started to wear off, life started settling in, and I looked at Sage and I started thinking, what if we had said no to this child? Where would she be, and what would my life be like? Then I started having dreams, that we were going back. We were on the plane traveling w/ various families who we had talked into adopting w/ us! And I just started having this huge burden for those children who are left behind there. Who is going to be their mommy? In all honesty? I know lots of people. Lots. But I can count on one hand the people I know personally who have adopted. Sure, I have met tons through the adoption that I now call friends, but I am talking the ones we know outside of that circle. I realize not everyone is called to adopt, but there are a million orphans out there. Who is going to go for them? Are we supposed to? Obviously I know we can't go back for a million. But who I am to say that I don't have room for just one more? NOT that I am ready to sign up just yet! And I am NOT saying that we ever would for sure. I am just saying that I have no idea what God has in store for my family. I will say, I am open to God's will. I refuse to limit him on what anyone thinks is the ideal size of a family. Besides, I am pretty sure I passed up ideal after 2.4 kids right? My mom claims I grew up saying I was having 6 children. I really thought 4 was ideal. We are even. It is manageable. (well besides the laundrey, oh i hate laundrey!) We can still fit a set of grandparents in the van w/ us! Yet, part of me would love to give Sawyer a brother, I would love for Sage to have a chinese sibling. I would love to go back to China. And what does Mark say? "are you nuts?" hehehe! He says right now he has no desire, however, we both agree. China gets in your heart, it is under our skin. And I am pretty sure Mark learned his lesson when we started this adoption. It is out of our hands. If God calls us, then we listen. So.. there you go. Who knows what our future holds. All I know right now is that yes, we have our hands full, and I love it!


-m- said...

What a neat blog, and it looks and sounds like you have a neat family too :)

I stumbled upon your blog from Waala Family Adventures, and this post really touched me. We are hoping to receive our referral from China in this coming batch, and she will be kiddo #5 for us, and yet I feel like you: if God calls us to adopt again, I am ready (and DH shakes his head saying 'you are nuts' :)

Anyways, thanks for sharing! Your kids are gorgeous!

Mom-of-5 said...

Oh my....I have thought the same things. We have the 5 but if there was any way to win the lottery I wouldn't hesitate to do it again. I was also so "DONE" when I got back but I find myself stalking various waiting child lists.....
Mia has been such a blessing and joy. Maybe there is another one out there for us. Interesting to note that we were not home but a few days and the kids wanted to DO IT AGAIN !! We thought they were nuts.