Tonight we had an evaluation done at Sensory Solutions. A place that specializes in, obviously, the senses. You may remember we did go to therapy for this about a year ago, and did not find much of a solution there. That was before attachment therapy, and so we are going to give this another go, at a new location.
It is a hard thing to sit through an evaluation as they explain to you WHY the senses might not work and the point is just driven in again. Your baby got ripped off. Because she was not held and loved as a newborn, her senses were not able to connect, resulting in, well, exactly what we are going through. Not always is this the case. Many children do have sensory issues, who were loved and nurtured. However, in Maverys situation, it is obviously most likely a result of living in an orphanage.
And so in those moments my heard breaks for her. IF things had been different for her, she would not have these struggles. IF she had just been loved on, or had not been left at the hospital for surgery, or If, if, if! But I can't let myself linger there for long. What good does it do? We can't change any of that. And we know God had a plan. A plan that she would be here. With us. A family that will investigate and get her the help she needs.
She is what they call a sensory seeker. Which is what they thought before. Some children are sensitive to noises, smells, sounds, feelings. Which is ME. She is the opposite. It needs to be louder, harder, rougher to actually stimulate her senses. Probably why my guard is always up I guess. I am sensitive to noise. Funny isn't it that the Lord would design me this way, yet give me so many children, many of who tend to be loud? Oh He will mold us and grow us won't He??
First thing they did, was put her into the swing, this time it was a cocoon type swing. She LOVES that. I am thinking this is going to have to be an investment for us. Though I am trying to figure out how you work that. 1 swing, 6 children. Hmmm. They tried to get her to do activities with them, coloring blocks, she would not do anything. Just basically ran around the room occasionally plopping herself in the therapists lap. The therapist she had just met.
They suggested weekly therapy and so we will do that. I asked if this is something that ever ends? They said therapy yes. Sensory, maybe. Sometimes they said the connectors DO re connect. (they had a much fancier way of saying it, but you get the point right?) But it might be something she always has to work at. BUT as she gets older much of it she will be able to regulate herself, she will know what she needs to calm down. Therapy is for 2 things. One, to hopefully help the connectors connect. Two, to teach Mavery, and us, how to regulate.
So, part of me goes in hopeful. MAYBE just maybe, this will help. Part of me goes in thinking, here we go again. More therapy, more experimenting, will it ever end? Yet I know this is the wrong attitude. I WANT this to help, ALL of us need this to help.
As I was praying about Mavery I was going through pictures and came across these from China. This was the first moment I held her.
That day was SOO hard for her. She was so mad, so scared. And I was filled with such JOY. Not because of she was screaming her head off of course. Because THIS was the child God had told us was our daughter. FINALLY, in the flesh, in my arms! We had no idea the road that was ahead of us with her. We just knew we were right where He wanted us to be on the exact day He wanted us to be there.
And today I know we are also exactly where He wants us to be. Leaning on Him, believing in His plan for ALL of us, and on our knees before Him.