The Many Faces of a Spicy Girl

If Only I had...

•  more money
• more time.
• more patience. 
• more clarity.
• more support. 
• more Faith.

Then maybe, just maybe, she would have a home. 

What does James 1:27 mean for ME?

I have been pondering that lately.  James 1:27

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. 

What does it mean?  For me?  

There is no doubt the Lord has given me a passion for orphans.  People have passions for many things.  It is what makes their heart beat.  What gets them so excited they can't sleep.  Or makes them ache so much they can't breathe.

Orphans.  My heartbeat.

Now to figure out what it means.  Does it mean I am supposed to adopt.  Again?

Does it mean I am supposed to go on a mission trip each year and work with orphans.

Does it mean that our family is supposed to give to others so they can adopt?

Does it mean I need to get involved in Foster Care?  (which we have looked into)

Does it mean I am to advocate and fight for those left behind? 

Does it mean all of the above?  Or none of the above. 

Because if we continue to add to our family through adoption, it gives us less of a chance to help out in all the other ways.

So what is the answer? Am I more useful in being able to GO and serve. 


Or bringing more home as my children. 


Helping others who are willing, but can't afford it?


Or parenting my own.

I wish the answer was clear.  We have no idea, we just know that the Lord is asking us to figure it out. Sure would be nice if He sent an email to clarify "figure it out".   We know that many have an opinion on what we should do.  For the record, we don't care.  ;-)   We serve an audience of ONE, and we will do as He tells us.  As I travel to China, and work with the orphans this summer,  I have a feeling He is going to show me our answer.  Till then we pray and listen and dream of all the things He has planned.

Learn to do good. Seek justice. Help the oppressed. Defend the cause of orphans. 

Fight for the rights of widows.

Isaiah 1:17

House 4 Sale 4 Ever!?

You may remember this post back in September.  We had put our house up for sale.  We had felt the Lord nudging us to do this for awhile.  And we felt strongly last summer it was time.  It was a hard decision.  We love our house.  It fits our family.  Besides having enough bedrooms for each child, it also has an office for Mark, since he does work from home.  It is a great house for parties.  It is OUR house.

 

We found a house we were ready to buy, just as soon as our house sold.  We felt it was the perfect situation, had room for all of us.  They were willing to wait till we sold.   We just knew for sure that our house would sell fast.  It is a GREAT house! Who wouldn't want it?? 

Well at this point, we have no idea who wants it! It is still for sale.  At first, it showed quite a bit.  Then as the holidays and cold weather came, we had fewer and fewer showings.  Which was honestly just fine with me.  Can you even imagine how hard it is keeping up with a house while homeschooling and five kids?   Yep, it is that bad.  But no showings mean no selling. 

And the house we were planning to buy? Is listed for sale.  Which we are fine with, because they can't wait forever. What if we never sell?  What if that is not meant to be our house?   We have no worries that if it is meant to be ours, it will work out.  Though let me tell you how difficult it is to find a house that fits all of us.  It is not about everyone having their own space.  But we do have an age range of kids, and we do homeschool and Mark does have to have a quiet place for an office.  We have looked at other options, we are still looking.  

For the first 6 months, I was fine with WHATEVER happened.  But now? I am getting anxious.  Our reason for selling?  To have more money.   Why do we need MORE money? Because God has given us a heart for orphans.  We are in a place now where we feel stuck with what we can do. Which is take care of our children.  Afford our insurance (ugh!)  Believe me, we are fine.  We are not starving.  And in reality? We CAN stay in this house and keep doing as we are doing.  But we can NOT do more.   And that bothers us.   We are not selling for us, we are selling for them..

The children that are still waiting.  God has called us to help orphans, and right now we are trying to be still and listen to what that means.  Because there are SO many..

Beautiful children who have nothing.   We have so much.  To much. 

But not enough to give them what they deserve.   Which is what makes it so confusing.  We WANT to sell! We held on to our house for longer than we should have probably, with hands clenched tight, not wanting to let go.  And now we are willing, we have come to peace with it, we WANT it to sell.  Yet nothing.   So we try to listen some more.  What is HIS plan?  

 We continue to listen.   And wait.  Spending much time in prayer.  Wondering what our future holds, but trying to stay in the moment.  Till He answers.  We know He will.   

(we did have it painted, I kind of miss my orange and red, but a nice change!) 

Sometimes Love IS Enough

 Recently I have been looking back over our journey with Mavery and went back to some of my blog posts I shared about how difficult life was.  If you want to see my heart and where I was, take a peek at this post by clicking here. 

 I think it was the first post where I admitted the stress we were living in.  Not just a we have alot of kids and homeschool and now have added a new child with heart issues  and an insane life stress, but a deep. we are in the pit stress.  That look we saw in her referral picture of sadness?

 And the screaming you might almost be able to imagine in this picture?  Think loud, piercing..

 It lasted a really REALLY long time. 

 And while some might be able to handle screaming for hours on end by a large 3 year old (because coming from a newborn is not quite the same!) I.COULD.NOT.HANDLE.IT.

 I was driving in the car the other day, and was thinking about how in those first few months of being home, I would drive my kids to school. (we ended up putting Malaine back into christian school that year soon after getting home) It was almost an hour round trip for me.  Mavery screamed the entire drive every. single. day.  By the time we would return home, I would be shaking and crying myself most days.  Then I would come in to attempt and homeschool the older 2 children, while Mavery was mostly hanging on my leg. Screaming. Not to mention Spicy girl running around.

All that said, it was just rough.  On top of the emotional issues of dealing with some pretty severe medical things.  You know, the child who we thought was "fixed" who needed open heart surgery pretty quickly. 

On top of heart caths and hospital stays and well, you get the picture. 

 

As I took Mavery in last week for her heart check up, God really spoke to me in that visit.  I sat and I watched her, and I was full of tears. He reminded me of those first 5  10 visits where it took 2 of us to hold her down.  The visits where I left the office crying from 1. the shock of news. 2. The stress of a screaming, kicking, thrashing toddler I had just held down for 3 hours.  He allowed me to look at Mavery with His eyes and the Big Picture He had been able to see over the last few years.

Isn't it funny sometimes the moments when the Lord chooses to really speak to us?  Not in the quietness of home, alone.  But maybe sitting in a doctors office, watching my daughter hop up on a table ON HER OWN and lay there still watching a tv show while they scan her heart.

As I watched her lay there, I realized that alot of what it is, she simply trusts us now.  She knows this routine.  She knows that when we say they are not going to give her a shot, we mean it.  She knows that if I promise her candy to lay there, she will get it.  She knows that I am her mommy and I am going to keep her safe.  From the doctor, or from whatever I need to keep her safe from.

I watched her on the table and I thought back to not only the screaming, but also the times when we saw breakthroughs. God whispered those times when we started getting a glimpse of who she really was.  When the sadness started to leave her eyes.  And when it started to leave mine.

And as He whispered these reminders to me, I started to feel the guilt seep in.  Feelings of failure as a mother, that I was that upset, that frustrated,  that impatient with her so many times.   Knowing all she had been through, I should have handled it all better.  That mommy guilt, it can eat you alive.

I love my Father and how sweet He is though in my moments of guilt to grab hold and let His promises of good rest on my heart.  It WAS hard, and I am pretty certain that ANYONE would have struggled in the same situation.  And you know what? We did what we could do.  We did not always handle it perfectly.  But through it all we loved. We hugged.  We found help in ways we could.

And so regardless of those days when I feel I failed, I look at Mavery now.  I see her climb up on a doctors table and lay there with out me holding her down.

I see her smile and laugh. Our girl has a sense of humor that has just blossomed. She LOVES to trick and make jokes.  And we have found that laughter really IS the best medicine.  Sometimes, when the fits threaten to creep in, on both our parts!, we make a joke and we are all laughing!  Her smile, that we rarely saw at first, never leaves her now. You can see the difference.  She now smiles with her eyes, not just her mouth.  And it comes from deep in her heart.

And you know what else?  I see her love.  Mavery loves with a passion.  My favorite to hear is "I LUB you mommy, and I really like you too".   If you have not had a Mavery hug, you are missing out!  She is the friendliest most loving child. She does not meet a stranger and just loves hugging everyone!
 

 At the writing of the post, back almost 2 years ago, I said maybe love is not enough.  But now I know.  It is, it really is!  Because LOVE is what brought Mavery home.  It is what carried us through.  It is what holds our family together.  No, it was not enough to heal her as quickly as we wanted.  But it DID heal her, in Gods timing.   He allowed us to love a child before we knew her.  He allowed us to love her, when we were struggling.  He breathed love into her heart which led to trusting us, believing us, attaching to us.    She is love.

 We love because He first Loved us. 

1 John 4:19

Maverys Heart Update

Today we went for Mavery's heart appointment. The last time we went was for her cath on August 31, so it had been awhile.  This was the first time I went with out Mark.  Typically it takes 2 of us to hold her down while they scan her, or one to feed her candy, the other to hold her.  But our Ms Mavery is CHANGING! She climbed right up on the table, lay so still and quiet, I did not even have to break out the candy this time! Till we were speaking with the doctor anyways, then she just happily ate her skittles. Amazed!
Pressures in the heart are about the same. Which is good, they are not getting worse, but he says he would like to see them a bit better. We will go Monday for a Lung Profusion Scan to check the pressures in her lungs.  Last scan they were 70/30 so we are hopeful to see a bit of improvement there. I am nervous for that scan.  They have to give her an IV which puts dye through her lungs that they measure.  She is not going to be happy about a needle, but hopefully we can do it with out to much screaming.  Lots of candy?  I have a Mavery update I am working on, hope to get it up soon.  Here are a few posts from the last few months about her, if you want to read!  Just click here and here.

New Look!

So excited about my blog makeover.  What do you think?  I love it and loved working with Christie over at a Bushel & a Peck Designs.  If you are looking for a new look for your blog, you can click on her blog name, or she is on my sidebar. She is fast, and patient!  I am still working on updating the tabs at the top.  After a crazy couple of weeks, hope to get back to updating soon.

An Interview with Mavery-5 years old

I started Maverys interview in the midst of all the others, but if you know Mavery, it was not the easiest thing to do!  She is quite the comedian and so there are no serious answers.  OR the answers were 5 minutes long and I could not keep up on typing!  Hope you have enjoyed getting a peek at our children!

Q: What is your name/nicknames 
Mavery Jin Song/Jin Song Laxton


 Q: What do you like about your age?
I want to be 60 and be alot of old.  Like Daddy, he is alot of old.

Q: Why do you like to be a girl in this family?
Because I don't want to be a boy.

Q:What do you like about our family?
I like my family. And Jesus.    

Q: Do you wish you had  another brother or sister? 
Yes I do.  Why? Because I want a little teeny baby like Bria.  We should get a baby from China, far away where Shane is.  I want to see Shane.


Q: What was your favorite vacation?  
I liked the roller coaster when we had so fun and I screamed!And seeing Cinderella and Snow White and Belle with Grammy and the princess were in the castle and Bell is my favorite.


Q: What is your favorite bible story?  
That the Wicked Witch Poisoned Snow White.  That is not the Bible!

Q: Why do you love Jesus?
Because he made everything, and God made Jesus. 

 Q:  What is something your mom always says to you?
Clean your room, and I do.  


Q:  What makes your mom happy?
If you draw her a special picture.  And listen to her.

Q:  What makes your mom sad?
If we don't draw her a picture. 

Q: What does your mom dream about? 
 I don't know. Princesses? And money.  hehe.  And wicked witches, if she is wearing her snow white dress. (I do not wear a snow white dress, in case you were curious!)

Q: How does your mom serve others? 
She gives food and shares.

 Q:  How does your mom make you laugh?
If you say pants on the ground, hehehe, that is funny!

Q:  How old is your mom?
 I don't know, ummm Daddy is 69.  Hehehe!

Q:  How tall is your mom?
 Tall like Grammy, moms aren't very tall, just tall, daddies are very tall.  Jesus and God are the tallest.

Q:  What is her favorite thing to do?
She likes to color and give candy.

 Q:  What does your mom do when you’re not around?
 Toot?  hahahahaha.  


Q: What is your mom good at? 
Writing names. Writing 4s. No that is Me, I am good at writing 4s.

Q:  What does your mom do for a job?
To clean the dishes.  And to spank people.  (for the record we barely spank here!)

Q:  What is your mom’s favorite food?
Ice Cream

 Q:  If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?
Kailin and Dora and boots



Q:  What do you and your mom do together?
We read books.

Q:  How are you and your mom the same?
Our chestes are the same?  (Ummmm)


Q:  How are you and your mom different?
We don't have matching hair and you are tall so we look different.

 Q:  How do you know your mom loves you?
Because

Q:  What does your mom like most about your dad?
Because



Q:  Where is your mom’s favorite place to go?
 Chick Filet and McDonalds to get ice cream. I think McDonalds is YOUR favorite place to go!

Q: If you could have any job in the world, what would you do?
I want to put a baby in my belly.

Q: If you could be a superhero, what would your superpower be?
I would have a blankie on my back and fly in the air like superman.


Q: If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you like to go?
To McDonalds then DisneyWorld.  Where are we going????

Q: If you could build anything, what would you like to build?
a giant robot!

Q: If you could have any animal as a pet, what would you want?
A dog and a cat and a giraffe. 

Q: If you could look like someone else, who would it be?
Makenna  And look like Mommy. And have ladybug pajamas.

Q: If you had plenty of money, what would you buy?
Candy cane and tootsie rolls and a stuffed animal.

Q: What is your favorite thing to do in school?
Color pictures for mommy and then you throw them away.  You are throwing ALL our pictures away! I did not!  Yes you are and that is not nice! 


Q: Have you ever sneaked a peek at presents that were hidden from you?
Yes.

Q: What is your favorite thing to do when you are alone?
 Draw a picture of mommy.

Q: What is your favorite vegetable?
 Salad and corn and carrots and salad and mashed potatoes and corn flakes and cookies and bear.

Q: What is your favorite season of the year?
I like all the things.

Q:  What is your favorite Bible verse? 

I don't know.

Braces!

                                                           

                                                                Now you see them.....

                                                                    Now you don't!

After ALMOST 2 years we have ONE child through braces.  And I am not sure I like it, she looks to old, so pretty!  She sure is happy to have them off, I think she has been chewing gum since they came off yesterday.  Retainers come in next week!

An interview with Makenna-13 years old

 Q: What is your name/nicknames 
Makenna, Kenna, Cherry Coke. (I guess this is a NN her cousin gave her in youth)

 Q: What do you like about your age? 
 That I am a teenageer


Q: Why do you like to be a girl/oldest in this family?
Cause I like to be in charge

Q: Do you wish you had another brother/sibling? 
No & No well depends on the age. if its a girl my age I want a sibling



Q: What was your favorite vacation?  
The one on the beach with all of the family, the BIG one. (St George Island, )




Q: What is your favorite bible story?  
Moses


Q: Why do you love Jesus?

Because He died on the cross and saved me.

 Q:  What is something your mom always says to you?

Give me your phone, your grounded. 

Q:  What makes your mom happy?
A Chai

Q:  What makes your mom sad?
hmmm, alot of things.  Orphans.

Q: What does your mom dream about? 
Orphans.

Q: How does your mom serve others? 
Going on a mission trip, helping at church.

Q:  How does your mom make you laugh?
You mean like when you do WII fit?

Q:  How old is your mom?
35?

Q:  How tall is your mom?
a little bit taller than me

Q:  What is her favorite thing to do?
Facebook, computer

 

 Q:  What does your mom do when you’re not around?
 Computer


Q: What is your mom good at? 
blogging, though you are bad at that lately.  Getting what you want, taking charge.  Good with kids. 

Q:  What does your mom do for a job?
Taking care of 5 kids and homeschooling

Q:  What is your mom’s favorite food?
No idea.  Chocolate? Chocolate Chai?

Q:  If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?
Her own special character



Q:  What do you and your mom do together?
Shop

Q:  How are you and your mom the same?
We look the same. And we like to be in charge. 


Q:  How are you and your mom different?
Your old? And I am funny. You have the power to ground me, and I don't.

Q:  How do you know your mom loves you?

Because of everything she does. Because she raised me into this wonderful obedient lady I am now.  (Hmmm!)

Q:  What does your mom like most about your dad?
 How am I supposed to know?

 



 Q:  Where is your mom’s favorite place to go?
Shopping, Walmart?  (Its a sad life I lead!)

Q: If you could have any job in the world, what would you do?
I guess a Vet or something with baking.

Q: If you could be a superhero, what would your superpower be?
Changing into animals.

Q: If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you like to go?
China, duh. 

Q: If you could build anything, what would you like to build?
Umm, I don't know. Oh an orphanage where we could take care of kids.

 Q: If you could have any animal as a pet, what would you want?
Who needs another pet when you have the perfect dog, Hershey! A boxer, maybe.

Q: If you could look like someone else, who would it be?
I don't want to look like anyone else.

Q: If you had plenty of money, what would you buy?
I would go to China.  Again.  Maybe I would have an animal shelter.

Q: What is your favorite thing to do in school?
Write

Q: Have you ever sneaked a peek at presents that were hidden from you?
Nope. Really?  Have I? No I haven't I have tried though.

Q: What is your favorite thing to do when you are alone?
Listen to music. Play on my ipod.

Q: What is your favorite vegetable?
Potatoes

Q: What is your favorite season of the year?
Fall

Q:  What is your favorite Bible verse?
Philippians 2:3-4 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit but in humility consider others better than yourselves.  Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

An Interview with Sage-5 years old

Q: What is your name/nicknames 
Sage/ChenYi Qiao/ChenYi Mae/QiaoQiao/Sagey Boo


 Q: What do you like about your age?
 That Mavery is my friend.

Q: Why do you like to be a girl in this family?
 Cause we get long hair, and you picked me and named me Sagey Boo.

Q:What do you like about being the baby in the family?
I still get a mer mer.  (this would be her pacifier. The shame!)


Q: Do you wish you had a another brother? 
I want to have 2 buddies. (she calls Sawyer her buddy) I want to be the big sister. 


Q: What was your favorite vacation?  
Mall of America, I like all the trips. 


Q: What is your favorite bible story?  
Jesus died on the cross for us. 

Q: Why do you love Jesus?
Because He made us.  And he made the earth. 

 Q:  What is something your mom always says to you?
Your my baby

Q:  What makes your mom happy?
When I hug her and give her presents on her birthday. Even when she is sad I hug her.

Q:  What makes your mom sad?
That I sneak my mer mer and I am not allowed to have it. And at naptime when I am not napping.  When I hit Mavery or argue with you. 

Q: What does your mom dream about? 
ME.  Mommy, do you dream about me?

Q: How does your mom serve others? 
teaches everyone at church.

 Q:  How does your mom make you laugh?
Tickle me.

Q:  How old is your mom?
35

Q:  How tall is your mom?
tall

Q:  What is her favorite thing to do?
Hug me

 Q:  What does your mom do when you’re not around?
  Go somewhere with Daddy.


Q: What is your mom good at? 
Taking care of me.

Q:  What does your mom do for a job?
Clean the dishwasher

Q:  What is your mom’s favorite food?
Shrimp

 Q:  If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?
I don't know.



Q:  What do you and your mom do together?
We go on special days. I get a makeup phone and we go to the nail place and get our nails painted.

Q:  How are you and your mom the same?
We both have white on our shirt.


Q:  How are you and your mom different?
I am wearing some green and you black.

 Q:  How do you know your mom loves you?
She got me in China. She kisses me every day and at night time and nap.

Q:  What does your mom like most about your dad?
Because you got alot of babies.


Q:  Where is your mom’s favorite place to go?
 Chinese Restaurant

Q: If you could have any job in the world, what would you do?
Delivering Mail

Q: If you could be a superhero, what would your superpower be?
I would shoot fire and ice

Q: If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you like to go?
Georgia Why? Cause it is sunny there and they have a pool at Brett &Amy and Tyler and Grahams.  (her cousins moved there)

Q: If you could build anything, what would you like to build?
A house A silver house

Q: If you could have any animal as a pet, what would you want?
PUGGIE poo poo and a kitten! (Sage is obsessed with pugs and REALLY wants one!)

Q: If you could look like someone else, who would it be?
You mommy. ( Awww! )

Q: If you had plenty of money, what would you buy?
everything and a stitchy tent (ever since Disney Sage has been in love with Stitch, as in Lilo & Stitch)

Q: What is your favorite thing to do in school?
Play barbies Barbies? At School? Mom, they do have barbies at school!

Q: Have you ever sneaked a peek at presents that were hidden from you?
 yes, What?? The lollipop girls were in a bag, a white bag by your door. you mean in my closet? oh yeah.  (guess I better get a bit more sneaky!)

Q: What is your favorite thing to do when you are alone?
Play with my bears, play with all my unicorns and and and kitty cats

Q: What is your favorite vegetable?
Carrots I LOVE carrots with ranch dress.  Mom, I REALLY like Ranch dressing.  And I really want rapunzle.

Q: What is your favorite season of the year?
I like Summer Why? It is nice and hot and I wish I won a pool in our front yard. A BIG big pool.

Q:  What is your favorite Bible verse? 
The bible?

Happy Valentines Day!

No pictures from our day, so I had to share this one I found of Malaine when she was 2.  CUTE!
Such a fun day today.  Started with chocolate chai for me and hot chocolate for the kids, a special treat! Little girls had their school party, then we all went to our friends for a home school party.  Can I just say, when you have 5 kids, it is not all that often you get invited to other peoples houses. ;-) LOVE it when we do. Especially love it when their house feels as crazy as ours so we can really relax! hehe!  We had 4 families, 16 kids. 10 of them belong to 2 of us. OH and for the record, FOURTEEN of those are GIRLS.  THANK the Lord there is one boy in that mix that is Sawyers buddy!  I should add that the host, my friend,  is honestly THE most laid back person I know.  I love her. And I love her house and backyard full of woods that kept my children happy and muddy today! They will never forget the year they literally got themselves stuck in the mud screaming for us to call 911, while we moms did what all good home school moms would do.  Ignored them and figured it had to be some sort of school lesson as they worked together to get out! A bit of science, a bit of math, geography?
I hope your day was full of love, and maybe a bit of muddy adventures!