Praying to be Ruined....

And we are off!!

So much planning and money and planning and praying and worrying and then the trip is here!

I am switching over to my Chenzhou blog, you can get to that by going to www.teamchenzhou.blogspot.com.

Just want to give a huge shout out to say THANK YOU to all of those who have helped us with this journey. From helping us get to China financially, to helping us take things to the kids and nannies in China to praying for us to helping us with my kids while I am gone.

And especially want to thank my husband. Not many husbands would willingly and HAPPILY send their wives to China TWO years in a row for TWO weeks! I offered to set up a schedule for the kids while I am gone and he refused saying he would handle all of it. FOUR kids! I know that I am blessed to be married to him.

Many have asked WHY do we go? Why would we spend thousands of dollars to fly 15 hours on a plane to be uncomfortable, to stay in a country where everything is hard?

I came across a blog I wrote soon after we returned last year and think it sums it up. I am re-posting it below. I pray that I will once again be ruined. 

Ruined

I found it kind of interesting as I went back through my blog and read my list of WHY you should not go on mission.   I had copied it, so can’t take it for my original thoughts. But it is SO true.  I laughed then when reading it, and thankfully I can laugh now. 

#2.  You might get ROBBED. 

That reason MIGHT have honestly scared some people off.   In fact, I remember making comments before I went about how safe I always felt in China.  And then of courseI.WAS.ROBBED.  Now, I could have let this RUIN the trip for me.  And it could have been MUCH worse. I did not lose my passport and I did not lose the orphanage donation.  Just my own $500.  Which IS a big deal, we worked hard for that $500!  But we will be ok, I was fine.  If I was going to lose that much money of course I would have rather had it go to orphans, but who knows, MAYBE the person who stole it really needed money worse than I did.  In fact, I would probably dare to say I am CERTAIN they needed money more than I did. So, I refuse to let it ruin me of anything. 

BUT, I AM ruined from my trip. 

As I have done laundry for my children, I have so much guilt.  SHOVING the extreme amount of clothes in their closets that they have, reminds me of the babies who wore the same things, day after day.  No matter the condition.

As I hear my kids complain about what I am cooking, I am reminded of the mush the children ate for EVERY.SINGLE.MEAL.

As my children fight with each other over the stupid petty things, I am reminded of those kids who might NEVER have a sibling, much less a mom to control the argument.

As my children whine about being bored in a house full of entertainment to their hearts desire, much less a backyard of play, I want to scream about babies who have seen a total of 2 rooms in their entire lifetime.

And sometimes I do.

As I lie down in my soft comfortable bed and TRY to sleep, I hear their cries.

When I do sleep, I dream of them.

Ruined. 

Filled with guilt that WE have SOOO much. 

What does giving 2 weeks of my life matter when some of them live an ENTIRE lifetime in that orphanage?

I am pretty sure I have become impossible to live with. 

From my families standpoint and from my own.

I.AM.RUINED.

So does that mean it was WRONG to go? 

Maybe for some that would make sense.  It is EASIER to live in our own comfortable worlds.

It is easy to pretend that we can’t make a difference.

That we can leave it to others to change the world.

That 2 weeks of our lives is not REALLY going to matter for a child.

But the thing is… What if we were ALL ruined?

What if, EACH.OF.US. did SOMETHING for an orphan.

What if we ALL committed to going on mission?  Just think how many days we could spend of a year in that orphanage?

What if you donate money for a bumbo seat?  (among MANY things)

OR help someone go on mission? (cause believe me, we will take money to help us go more!)

What if you SPONSOR A CHILD?

OR WHAT IF YOU ADOPT?  It IS possible!

There are kids that wait that would LOVE to call you mommy or daddy.

Believe me, I have met them.

OR what if you help someone adopt?  (Because I am willing to do that too if we had more money!!)

I traveled with a team of 13. And together we all feel ruined.

I hoped that YOU will search your heart and be in prayer over if the Lord wants to ruin YOU too.  For Him.  For His children.

You are not too old.

You are not too poor.

You are not too busy. 

Well maybe you are, and if that is the case, then you have a problem.

We can all do SOMETHING.  We can be their voice. We CAN change their world. 

And maybe in the process, change yours too. 

Jada has a family!!!

Do you remember Jada?   I was thrilled to find out just this week that she was chosen by a family! In one week I will be in China and I will see her once again. No longer an orphan, but a little girl chosen and forever loved by her family who is working to bring her home! 

Did you catch that? I WILL BE IN CHINA!!!! 5 days! 

Sweet Friends

I know I say it ALL the time, but adoption ROCKS! Not only do we get to add kids, we get to add new family through the friends we meet along the journey. The kids that lived with my girls, that WAS their family before they came to me. So, any chance we get to meet up, we consider it a gift.

Mavery's orphanage is smaller, and there are just not as many kids that come out compared to Chenzhou. Not long after we returned home with Mavery a Jinhua girl came home to Charlotte. Her mom and I became fast friends online. I never know how Mavery will do when we talk about China. It is VERY different with my girls and their reactions, understandably. So I try to approach these opportunities carefully, but embrace them for the chance we are given to see these kids. While Mavery did not have alot to say to Lilly, it was wonderful to see them together. AND I loved finally meeting Leslee in person!

I never know how Mavery will do when we talk about China. It is VERY different with my girls and their reactions, understandably. So I try to approach these opportunities carefully, but embrace them for the chance we are given to see these kids. While Mavery did not have alot to say to Lilly, it was wonderful to see them together. AND I loved finally meeting Leslee in person!

We also met up with my friend Pam and her kiddo's. I have followed Pams family since they adopted their first daughter not long after we adopted Sage. Because their oldest is from Chenzhou too! Sage & Anna Claire are just a month apart. And let me tell you, these 2 spicy girls acted like long lost friends. I wish they lived closer, they really enjoyed each other!

 They have returned to China  few more times than I have. ;-) Last year besides just following her blog, we started chatting because she had a baby girl waiting in Chenzhou that we would be able to meet while there! And let me tell you, our little Chenzhou baby has changed SO much! Of all the babies I saw, Ellie was the most shocking. Her looks AND her personality. She has grown so much and she SMILES non stop.

I was so thankful to get to see her and hug her mama! Can't wait to show Chenzhou the reunions I had this summer with the kids that have left!

It really was a great time, to short though. We have so much in common and I am not sure we would all ever run out of anything to talk about! So thankful for the blessings the Lord gives us of friends all across the map!

Seeing an Angel

On our way home from the beach we hit our old town we called home for a short time. It has been years since we had been back to Charlotte, not to mention that we had some Chinese kiddo's we were anxious to see!

Our first stop was to visit with an Angel. You might remember me sharing my heart on her here. 

While in China last year I was able to meet her at the Butterfly House, but I could not wait to see her HOME in her mama's arms! And so I did!

My little prayer warrior getting to see her answered prayers come to life! 

She was not so sure about me, unlike last year where she let me love on her. But that is GOOD! She has a mama now, a whole family that is HERS. Oh she is gorgeous! She is loved, and adored.

Hunan Girls!!

It was a bit hard. We KNOW that God placed her exactly where she is supposed to be. But oh my heart... i had spent many days of praying and envisioning her as my own last year.

SO so thankful to meet her family and KNOW that she is in the perfect family for her. A family that loves the Lord and adores her. THAT does a heart good!

About a Boy-Charlie

You might remember a few posts back I put out a plea for one of our Chenzhou boys. If not, you can read it here

After writing that, I started thinking, what if he is MY son and not someone else's? I tossed it around for a bit, and it really kind of made sense. He is close to Sawyers age, I KNOW him, his special need is not a big deal. We paid off the debt so Mark can't use that against me. And while I did not feel the same as I did with the girls, that feeling of YES this HAS to happen, I felt good enough to throw the idea at Mark.

Who dismissed me at once. Imagine that.

Can you even picture what it is like to be married to me? Most husbands ask how was your day and probably get the typical answer. Kids are crazy, blah blah.

Not my husband, he gets "hey honey, I think I found our 6th child"!

I am not one to be turned down so easily, so I just kind of thew the idea out randomly.

My random is probably a BIT more than the average persons.

He gave me all the reasons why he did not feel I was right.

I reminded him of the times I WAS right and he was very wrong.

He loves that.

So this went on for weeks. And the thing was, I was not being super pushy this time, because I was just not TOTALLY sure.

Just sure enough to know we were supposed to pursue this idea.

While at the beach I had hoped we could talk about it. Pray about it.

Get a big old yes so I could take a picture of his name written in the sand. Or something like that.

There were days I felt it was yes. Days I felt unsure.

Actually there were even hours I felt yes, and no.

On our 16 hour drive home that I still need to finish writing about, and a few subtle hints at Mark that he needed to MAKE A DECISION, he felt the Lord calling us to fast together. I was like, ok good, we get home Monday so Tuesday we will fast and Wednesday we will call the agency and say yes and then we can tell all our family and friends and celebrate all weekend!

Mark said a 3 day fast.

Um, is that even possible? Because I have been trying a 500 calorie diet and I thought that was torture.

And I really REALLY like food.

But I desperately wanted an answer.

Because if it is YES, we need to get moving on some paperwork for this sweet boy who waits.

And if it is no, well then I am going to be doing all I can to find him a family!

I really felt it was going to be YES. BUT I also felt deep deep down, that I was just not sure, and that I was begging God to let my husband lead in a YES. Because then I could blame him if I heard wrong and if we were not following Gods lead.

That is a total joke.

But I did keep going back to the part of when we adopted our girls, it was because God spoke so clear to me both times. I mean CLEAR.

And I was not feeling that. However maybe fear can do that.

So, we agreed, we would spend 3 days BEGGING God to answer.

And because God is God He also sent us 2 safe family kids the day we returned from vacation. 2 & 3 years old. (more to come on them)

So now I get to fast and HEAR from the Lord while parenting SEVEN children. 2 who are crazy, one who is off her school schedule so might also be classified as crazy right now. And of course recover from vacation.

It has been a great week here. ;-)

We prayed, we cried, we read, we researched, we talked.

I watched Mark truly wrestle with God.

I thought he was going to say yes. We talked about language and schooling and all the things a 12 year old boy would involve.

We talked about the future this boy has in China if he does not get adopted.

Our hearts were broken and open.

And God said no.

Not because of money or language or older boy or ANY of that.

He just said not yet. This is not the time.

And when Mark said that, I honestly felt relief wash over me.

Yet immediately guilty. I did WANT to be his mommy. But in many ways I felt I was making myself WANT to want. If that makes sense.

And I feel guilt over the fact that he NEEDS a family. He only has 2 years left before he ages out.

It breaks me to think of that.

But I know this. I can NOT adopt based on guilt or MY feelings.

It has to be about God and His will.

My prayer is that Charlie's family will step up soon, that I can SEE how his story will unfold.  He really is an AMAZING boy.

I don't know why God laid him so deeply on us.  And then said no.

I mean seriously, do ALL families go through this?

Maybe we all should. Because there are so many children out there, and I wonder what would happen if more would be willing to fast and pray and ASK God, "is MY child waiting"?

I am SO so thankful for a husband who LOVES me, but loves the Lord even more. Most husbands would probably blow it off and say DONE. Or say oh fine, lets just do it. My husband goes to the One who MADE adoption.

And he listens.

Please join me in praying that Charlie's family finds him quickly, and spread the word that he waits. You can read all about him on my Meet Charlie post! In just 34 DAYS I will be heading over to China and will be spending time with him. I sure hope he has a family and I can share that with him.

Beach JOY

I have no greater JOY than to hear that 

my children are walking in the truth. 

3 John 1:4

Children are a gift from the Lord, a reward from Him. 

Psalm 127:3

Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! 

He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with

 his enemies in the gate.

Psalm 127:5

"Once our eyes are opened we can't pretend 

we don't know what to do. God,

 who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, knows that we know 

and holds us responsible to act." Proverbs 24:12

As for me and my house, 

we will serve the Lord. 

Joshua 24:15

Broadway at the Beach

We spent our last evening at Broadway at the Beach. It was a perfect ending to our time at Myrtle Beach. 

We found a fun lego store, all of our kids love legos. 

 They had a tower building contest that a couple decided to enter and Sawyer won! 

 We had fun looking at all the silly shops. 

We had oysters, YUM! 

 Sweet! 

 Can't take them anywhere! 

 My boy! 

 The girls wanted their photo with the "peeing stingray". Not sure why they had a statue that made it look like that is what was happening!

 Riding Rides! 

Sage chose this ride and we had no idea when we put her on it how fast it went or for how long! She said no more thank you! 

 Hula Hooping! 

Good bye vacation, till we meet again! 

Pirate Voyage!

One of our favorite things we did was the Pirate Voyage. It used to be the Dixie Stampede, but it has changed to Pirates. Still by Dolly Parton so it is all done very nice. And a nice change since we have seen the Dixie Stampede quite a bit.  Mark was thrilled to get chosen for the pre-show entertainment! ;-) Nothing to embarrassing thankfully. This show is lots of action and a few times we looked over and Sage had crawled under the table from the loud noise! Nothing better than eating a really YUMMY meal AND watching a show!!

Magical Fun!

 On one day it started to rain a bit later in the day so we headed over to Magiquest, which was LOTS of fun. We had never done anything like it, but it was perfect for our group. Each kid gets a wand and clues.

 They must travel through the kingdom collecting clues and solving a mystery. Their wand is "magic" and if you point it at certain things, it gives you the clues you are looking for. Makes things light up, sing, trunks open.

 If you ever have a chance to visit one, we would highly recommend it. All ages loved it. I think they were feeling a bit like Harry Potter. ;-)

This is such a fun area of Myrtle Beach. Broadway at the Beach. Outdoor shops, fish to feed, treats to eat, we actually went twice.