China Called.....

Which is not a good thing when you have only been waiting 3 weeks for LOA. They are questioning a medical condition that Mark has, and they want a doctors note stating it is not cancerous at all. Which it is not. Our agency assures me it is fine, this is good. They did not say no, they just need this letter from our doctor notarized.

Part of me wants to say, yippee, they are going over our dossier, we are being reviewed! But the bigger part of me is scared.

Part of me wants to say my faith is stronger than this. That I am simply laying this down at the feet of Jesus and trusting He is going to take care of it. But the bigger part of me only looks back at all the struggles we have gone through from day 1 of this adoption. NOTHING has gone MY way, from the day I laid eyes on Mavery.

Part of me wants to say, that Mavery is mine and NOTHING can stop that. But the bigger part of me is really, really in panic mode here.


Today when I got this call, I was on a church field trip w/ the kids at the City Museum. What I wanted to do was just find a dark cave there(which it is full of) and have a good cry and maybe even a little shake my fist and stomp my foot kind of talk w/ God. But I could only cry out in my heart. And over and over God whispered, "You are forgetting who is in control here. You still think it is YOU who is in control."



But I LIKE being in control! I NEED to be in control! I am GOOD at being in control. Aren't I??


Maybe not.


Maybe God needed me to get that call, so I would remember the One who has even allowed me to fall in love with this child.


Maybe He wants to remind me, that I will ONLY hold her, because He says I will.


Maybe He is trying to tell me, Trust ME. Grow in Me. Love me more and believe that I will take care of this.

These are the things I want to believe, I really do. So please pray with me that I would have peace about this. I am reminded that just days ago I blogged about trusting His plan. So I am trying. One thing that has never wavered from the day I laid eyes on Mavery, she IS mine. I do not doubt God on that one. She IS my daughter and I will do whatever it takes to bring her home.

My friends who have adopted have already cheered me on today saying, Review, already that is GOOD! So I am hoping that is true. That our letter gets there in the next couple of days, and I get an LOA with amazing speed! Wait, no, what I really hope is that I can lay it down, trust in Him and Believe that His timing is perfect.

On a happy note, my friend is traveling to China on FRIDAY! Her daughter is with my Mavery and she is going to visit the orphanage! So she has promised to do everything she can to get her in her arms.

Lots of blogs I need to post to catch up. Will try to get them in this week.