Hebrews 11:1

Now Faith is

Before Mark and I married, adoption was on our hearts. Due to some medical conditions that Mark has, we actually wondered if we would choose to birth children, or simply adopt all our babies. But through prayer we believed that we were supposed to trust and in turn we recieved 3 blessings by birth. And while I was thankful for those 3, I felt there were more children out there.

Being sure

In 2004 I felt very strongly that we were supposed to move forward with adoption. That God clearly said, your child is out there. Mark was not on board. It was not a fun time as we tried to figure out the will of our Father. I poured over scripture as I tried to figure out what I was supposed to do. And God pressed Hebrews 11:1 on my heart. I breathed it every day while I waited for God to change Mark's heart. I had no doubts God was telling us to find our child. And in February of 2005, Mark said we were having 4 kids!

Of What we hope for

As the days turned into weeks, turned into months, then into over a year, I continued to hold on to that verse with all I had. And finally on August 21st, 2006, we held our Sage, the answer to all we had hoped for, the reason we waited for so long, our 3rd daughter. It was as if God himself had stepped down and handed her to me right there in the middle of China. And we thought we were complete. That our waiting was over. We had asked, and we had our answer.

and certain

Yet, leaving China, there was that tug on my heart. And soon after the jet lag wore off, I knew we were supposed to return. That we had another child. That our child was probably there, when we walked on that soil. That we had left one behind. And so I began to search and seek and try to figure out what in the world God was saying to me. Because Mark was certainly feeling a whole different tug, maybe a finished basement tug or a leave the kids in private school, or a fun Disney vacation, or even a paved driveway & patio to be honest. ANYTHING besides another child.

of what we do not see....

Then I saw Mavery, browsing a list of waiting children. And I looked into her eyes and I felt not that I had looked at a child that needed a family, but that I had looked into the eyes of my daughter. But it made no sense. HOW could I feel so strongly and Mark think I was losing my mind? Those were rough days. Even more so than when I felt first led to start an adoption. Mark and I have always had a good strong marriage, and that was not a fun time for us. We were so divided and he was so certain I was wrong. It would have been so easy to give up and give in. We were miserable, so I once again held on to that scripture. Hebrews 11:1. My faith wavered that was for sure, was I wrong? Was this just something I wanted, was I keeping this little one from her family?

Yet then God led me to look up her birth verse and as I read it I just knew. Hebrews 11:1.

Now Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see..

There is no doubt in my mind as we prepare to leave on this journey in just days, this is what God had planned all along. Mavery was mine from the day she was born on November 1st, 2005, and even in those 9 months she grew in another mama's tummy. While I prayed for my child in China through my wait, I thought I was praying for one. But my prayers were covering 2 little girls, 2 mothers who were going to make decisions to walk away, our lives would be blessed by 2 from a land far away. Someday Mavery might wonder, why did Sage come home first? And we don't know the answer to those questions, but we do know that God is in control of her life. He has held her for me till we found her. He allowed her to grow real in my heart even when I was in China I think. He softened a daddy's heart that was honestly DONE having kids. A daddy who is so excited to hold her and love on her and have her in his life as his.

We are counting down the days here. Our arms ache to hold Mavery, and yet our hearts cry to leave 4 behind. (well some moments our hearts smile, you know when they are all screaming and fighting and driving us crazy!?!) It is almost like I can't think about goodbye, I just press on towards the goal. I look ahead to a month from now, when we will be HOME, together, living life the way we have prayed for since we saw Mavery.

I am still clinging to Hebrews 11:1 as we prepare to go. I am certain that God is going ahead of me, preparing the way, as well as standing behind me, holding my 4 here in His arms.