These were the words Malaine spoke to me. Mama, I miss Mavery. And her brother, being the male that he is, said "Well, that is weird, how do you miss someone you have not even met yet!" Hmmm...
Mark was lecturing me last night on how I try to put God in a box, I EXPECT He is going to send me to China when I tell Him to send me. That I need to just submit to God's will and trust His plan.
Mark reminds me that Mavery is fine right now. I KNOW that Mavery is fine right now. She is perfectly happy with the life she is living and probably will be for some time. It is me that is not always fine.
Simply put, I miss Mavery too. I had no idea it would be this hard. That I could fall so hopelessly in love with her, that my heart aches. That she would consume my every breath at times. I am SO thankful for pictures, but I think it has made it harder in some ways. She has moved from that little tiny referral picture, to a little girl who moves! She is growing up and changing every day, and I am missing that.
Of course I knew it would be hard, I have been through this. But it was different with Sage. I waited for over a year to get referral, and she WAS real to me. Yet I did not know her. With Mavery, I have memorized every teeny tiny detail of those pictures and video. I have laughed and I have cried as I have grown to know her through those things since November. She has entered my dreams many nights and my thoughts are just never far from her.
And I know that God has a plan. I still believe that, no worries that I am forgetting the One who allowed us to even entertain the thought of adopting Mavery. But sometimes, as I reminded Mark last night after his "lecture", you just want to whine. You want to miss your daughter, and be sad that she is not with you, and question why. Without getting lectured I might add! ;-)
I was tempted to write another letter on my blog, similar to this one here. You know, like this,
Dear Mr China people who handle adoptions, PLEASE OH PLEASE OH PLEASE just send me my LOA!! Because I realize the Olympics are almost here and I also know how busy you are in the month of October so if I do not get LOA soon, I have a bad feeling I am going to miss Mavery's 3rd birthday, or 2 of my kids birthdays here and that just makes me cry and my other kids and my husband already think i am losing my mind so please, i beg you!?? I promise to wave an Olympic flag in your honor! I promise I will spend lots of money in China on "stuff" if you just let me come SOON! Like send me an LOA today, just stick it in the mail. you can even put on there that I pay postage, would that help? maybe?? Sigh...
Soon, I know it is coming soon. I know Mavery will be in my arms soon and all this waiting will be over. Well unless of course we are waiting for another one, then we know I will be whining all over again. ;-) KIDDING, just kidding, settle down, I have to say at this point I am actually praying for rest after we get Mavery home. For awhile anyways. I have a feeling Mark is praying forever anyways! ;-)
1 comment:
Shannon...even in your sorrow you find humor. :) I know the wait is difficult and I do agree that the longer you look at their sweet face the harder it gets. I only had to look at Lauren's photo for 8weeks. I have been looking at Mia's photo for almost 8 months. Its hard and nothing is going to make it easier except holding them in our arms! Come on LOA...there are mama's over here that want their children home!!!
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