Night One/Wednesday and catching up.

I wanted to write while Mavery is sleeping and I am awake! It is so quiet now, and she seems more peaceful. Mark stayed in the room with her last night. He made me go sleep, knowing that if I crash before she is fully awake we are in trouble. And thankfully I did. For those who know me, you know what a high maintenance sleeper I am. But I was able to sleep some in the lounge on a couch. I came back in the room a little before 5 and he said he had not slept at all. She cried out alot, as she does at home. She is just a restless sleeper anyways. When I came in the nurse was getting her a cup of apple juice and untied one of her arms so she drank that. Maybe that is why she is now resting. She told me all the stuff they are giving her normally makes them sleep deep. ;0)

Wanted to kind of go back to our day yesterday. It will be random and out of order, but I want to remember things, even though some I want to forget if that makes sense.

We came in to see her and I did not think she looked as bad as I expected for the first time. I had been able to see pictures of babies after heart surgery and was so thankful for a blog that had shared that. Maybe that helped. Maybe it was just the relief of laying eyes on her and being able to touch her. They told us it would be at least 24 hours for the tube to come out and to expect to be here through next week. They had her in a parlyzed coma, and there is some fancy name for it, but basically they had her out. Could not move. Which to be honest was kind of ok with me. Knowing what we had gone through after cath, knowing that moving had caused her to need to go back to surgery. Out really made me feel safe. But not even 30 minutes later the doctor came by and said they are going to wake her up and take out the breathing tube. So... We braced ourselves reminding them that she is going to be a handful! They assured us that getting her off the vent is a good thing. Slowly, she started waking up. I was not prepared for that. Her whole body was jerking, kind of like a seizure almost. Her eyes were rolling, I did not like that at all. They told me that was normal. I am just not a good hospital person. Everything beeps, she is shaking, I am not over the shock that she had 2 surgeries today, I had my eye on the chair near me in case I had a heart attack myself. Then they asked us if we wanted to watch the tube come out. I asked if anything crazy was going to happen. They promised she was going to be fine so we stayed in with her. I did alot of praying. With that out, Mavery was one mad little diva! First thing, I want to eat, then I want a sucker, then I want my backpack. She was in and out of it, but then the thrashing began. They had her arms tied down but not her legs. So she was trying to roll over, despite all the lines and tubes. Remember, all this stuff keeps beeping, she is upset, she has a blood drain coming out of her and they showed me how that had filled so fast over and over earlier(why they reopened) and so my eye is on that, all the while I am thinking, WHY IS SHE AWAKE HOURS AFTER THESE SURGERIES!!! Everything they tried, she was still awake. Then she began with Mommy it hurts, mommy owie, mommy I have a belly ache. (she calls her whole chest her belly) so finally they gave her morphine which let her settle down. It is SOOO hard seeing your baby hurt and struggle and not being able to fix it. And I have had to go through that twice this month with this child. Thank goodness January is almost over!
After awhile they told me they gave her something (name has escaped me now) and the name sounded very familiar in a scary way. I told them I was pretty certain that is what they gave her after her cath and if you were with us that week, you know that was VERY bad news. The nurse said they would not give her anymore of that. Smart idea.
I love just watching her sleep. But I am ready to see her awake and smiling and laughing and back to my Mavery. Ready even to hear her tell me 100 times that she wants to eat, or drink or anything she wants right now.
I am sure that today will be very tough. I am not sure how long they will keep her sedated. I assume for awhile. I hope for awhile just for her sake. Because I don't like her being tied down but she has to be for her safety. So sleep really is a good thing.

You all have been truly wonderful. Your love and prayers, they are what got me through. We had our family here surrounding us, and you all were here with us in our hearts. We KNEW that so many people were down on their knees for our sweet girl and still are! I knew I could pick up my laptop and open it up to tons of new emails of encouragement. I know that you had friends of friends of friends praying for Mavery, and God heard! I know we still have a road ahead of us, but we know that she is here and going to be ok. We are going to be ok.